Try Your Best vs. Good Enough
If you have found your way to this website, there is a good chance that you or someone you are trying to help is suffering from anxious thoughts, overthinking, too much stress, or perfectionism. All of these aforementioned daily struggles have a lasting impact on an individual’s health, overall well-being, and contentment with life. Oftentimes, people are seeking happiness in their daily lives. But what does happiness truly mean? I believe that happiness comes from contentment with everyday life with sparks of joy sprinkled throughout. Anxious thoughts, overthinking, stress, and perfectionism are all threats to feeling content in life. Now healing from these thought patterns often requires intentional work with a therapist to help provide you with tools and support. If you’re looking to get started with this work with a therapist in Nevada or Washington, go ahead and contact me.
In the meantime, a common theme that I explore with clients struggling with perfectionism and contentment with life is the idea of trying your best versus just doing a good enough job. I want to make this clear- YOU ARE ALREADY GOOD ENOUGH! No matter what you do or how much you produce, you are good enough. Your worth comes from you being you, not from producing or working. Now that I have clarified that you are already good enough, let’s talk about how to help your brain understand that you have done a good enough job at the end of the day.
I imagine, that when you were a child, you were taught to “try your best.” What a wonderful statement probably told to you by both family and teachers. What could go wrong with being told to try your best? Nothing, if you aren’t prone to perfectionism or anxious thoughts. However, if you are prone to perfectionism or anxious thoughts, being told to try your best is the catalyst for never feeling good enough. Your brain can come up with a multitude of ways that you could have tried harder and thus, done better which inherently means to our emotional (ie. not logical) brain that you did not try your best. Cue the shame spiral. What is even harder about this statement of trying your best is that you can feel isolated. You might have felt like no one understood why you had so much pressure or tried to help you see that you did do a great job. But emotionally, the efforts you made weren’t good enough unless you achieved absolute perfection. Raise your hand if you only felt satisfied if you got 100% + the extra credit.
I want to make it clear as well, that the family members and teachers that engaged with the “try your best” motivational speeches aren’t in the wrong either. These people are most likely your biggest supporters and didn’t know how to best support you and your brain. So what can we do to change this “try your best” mentality?
Let’s talk about what it means to do a good enough job. This is a hard concept too, because how does one define good enough? The dictionary definition of good enough is “adequately good for the circumstances.” It’s an ambiguous term that most likely just made you squirm in your seat to even think about it. The idea of doing good enough allows you to still have the energy, time, and space to engage in other aspects of life. So how about we quantify what it means to do a good enough job? Try asking yourself these questions after completing a task or even consider your expectations for an upcoming task.
Do I have any energy left to give to this task? or How much energy can I give to this task?
Do I have any time left to give to this task? or How much time can I give to this task?
Do I have any resources left to give to this task? or How many resources can I give to this task?
Resources can refer to anything required for the task such as money, support, tangible materials, etc.
The idea here is to honestly and authentically check in with yourself and your needs and give a non-judgmental assessment of what you have to give to a task. In the beginning, your brain might answer that you do have more to give because it is trying to squeeze every ounce of energy, time, and resources out of you. Remember that depleting yourself until you have nothing left to give leads to burnout and more stress which leads to perpetuating more of this cycle. The answer to these questions will change on a daily if not hourly basis. When you’re sick, your good enough will be drastically different than when you are well. When asking these questions, you will need to remind your brain to look at the task from the idea of doing good enough and not trying your best. This shift in thinking will take time and practice. You’ve had your whole life to engage in the try your best, perfectionist thinking, now give yourself the compassion and patience to create a new thought pattern of good enough.
Once you have shifted your pattern of thinking, you are most likely rewarded with contentment with what you have accomplished and more time to find joy.